How to Handle Grief During the Holidays

The holidays are often described as a time of joy, togetherness, and tradition. But when someone you love is no longer there, the season can feel very different.

An empty chair at the table. A familiar recipe. A favorite song playing unexpectedly. An ornament with their name on it. Even traditions you once looked forward to can become reminders of who is missing.

If you're wondering how to handle grief during the holidays, there is no perfect formula. You don't have to celebrate the way you always have, and you don't have to pretend you're okay for the sake of everyone around you.

You can make room for grief while also making room for moments of comfort, connection, and remembrance.

Here are some gentle ways to navigate the holiday season after losing someone you love.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Whatever You Feel

Grief doesn't disappear because the calendar says it's time to celebrate.

You may feel sadness, anger, loneliness, anxiety, gratitude, happiness—or several emotions within the same afternoon. You might genuinely enjoy a holiday gathering and then find yourself crying on the drive home.

That doesn't mean you're grieving incorrectly.

Try to let the season be what it is rather than what you think it is supposed to be.

You are allowed to miss someone deeply and still laugh. You are allowed to enjoy a tradition and feel sad that they're not there to share it. Grief and joy can exist alongside each other.

2. Decide Which Holiday Traditions You Want to Keep

After a loss, familiar traditions can be comforting for some people and painful for others.

You don't have to continue every tradition simply because you've always done it.

Before the holidays arrive, consider which traditions feel meaningful this year. You might want to keep some exactly the same, change others, create something new, or skip certain celebrations altogether.

Ask yourself:

Does this tradition bring me comfort right now, or does it feel like something I have to endure?

Your answer may be different next year. That's okay, too.

3. Make a Plan for Difficult Moments

Grief can be unpredictable, but knowing you have options can make holiday gatherings feel more manageable.

If you're attending a party or family celebration, consider driving yourself so you can leave when you want. Tell someone you trust that you may need a quiet moment. Give yourself permission to step outside, take a walk, or go home early.

You don't owe anyone a full explanation.

A simple “I'm going to head home, but I'm glad I came” is enough.

Having an exit plan doesn't mean you'll need to use it. It simply gives you control if the day becomes overwhelming.

4. Find a Way to Include Your Loved One

For many families, one of the hardest questions is whether to talk about the person who died.

There is no need to pretend they weren't an important part of your holidays.

Finding a meaningful way to include their memory can turn an absence that everyone feels into a moment of connection.

You might:

• Light a candle in their memory.

• Hang a special ornament.

• Display a favorite photograph.

• Prepare their favorite holiday dish.

• Play music they loved.

• Share favorite stories around the table.

• Make a donation to an organization they cared about.

• Visit a meaningful place.

• Write them a letter.

• Wear or carry a memorial keepsake.

Your remembrance doesn't need to be elaborate. A small, private ritual can be just as meaningful as a family tradition.

5. Talk With Your Family Before the Holiday

Everyone in a family can experience the same loss differently.

One person may want to talk about your loved one throughout the day. Someone else may find those conversations difficult. Children may have entirely different needs from adults.

Talking beforehand can help prevent misunderstandings.

Ask questions such as:

“What would feel good to everyone this year?”

“Do we want to continue our usual traditions?”

“Is there a way we'd like to remember them together?”

There may not be one answer that works perfectly for everyone. The goal is simply to make space for different ways of grieving.

6. Don't Feel Guilty About Saying No

The holiday season can come with a long list of expectations: parties, dinners, shopping, travel, decorating, hosting, religious services, family traditions, and social obligations.

Grief can make all of that exhausting.

You are allowed to decline invitations.

You are allowed to attend for an hour instead of an entire evening.

You are allowed to order dinner instead of cooking it.

You are allowed to spend the holiday somewhere different—or spend part of it alone.

Protecting your emotional energy isn't disrespectful to the people around you. Sometimes simplifying the season is exactly what you need.

7. Take Care of the Basics

When grief becomes heavier, basic routines can easily fall away.

During the holidays, try to pay attention to simple things: eating regularly, drinking enough water, sleeping when you can, getting outside, moving your body, and taking breaks from busy environments.

These things won't remove grief.

They can, however, make difficult days a little easier to navigate.

It can also help to limit how much you expect from yourself. You don't need to create a perfect holiday. Getting through the day may be enough.

8. Create a New Tradition

Loss changes families, and sometimes traditions need to change with them.

Creating a new ritual can give you a way to acknowledge that this holiday is different while still keeping your loved one part of it.

Consider creating a memory ornament each year, making their favorite dessert, sharing one story about them at dinner, visiting a place they loved, creating a memorial table, or choosing a charitable tradition in their honor.

Over time, a new tradition can become something you look forward to—not because grief has disappeared, but because remembrance has found a place within the holiday.

9. Carry a Reminder of Them With You

Sometimes comfort comes from something small and tangible.

A photograph tucked into your wallet. A handwritten note. A piece of clothing. A recipe card in their handwriting. A piece of jewelry they once wore.

For some people, memorial jewelry can offer a similar sense of connection. Wearing a necklace, ring, bracelet, or other keepsake associated with someone you love can become a private way of carrying their memory into holiday gatherings and traditions.

At Lee Alexander & Co., we believe remembrance doesn't have to be confined to a particular place or day. Meaningful keepsakes can allow the people we love to remain part of life's important moments—including the holidays.

10. Reach Out When You Need Support

You don't have to navigate holiday grief by yourself.

Tell a trusted friend or family member when you're having a difficult day. Consider a grief support group, counselor, therapist, faith community, or bereavement organization if you would like additional support.

Sometimes it also helps simply to read the experiences of others who understand loss. Grief blogs, books, podcasts, and online communities can provide reassurance during moments when you feel especially alone.

And if someone you know is grieving this holiday season, remember that reaching out matters. A simple “I know this season may be difficult, and I'm thinking of you” can mean more than you realize.

What Do You Say to Someone Grieving During the Holidays?

If you're supporting someone who has experienced a loss, don't worry about finding the perfect holiday message.

Keep it simple and sincere.

You might say:

“I know the holidays may feel different this year. I'm thinking about you and remembering [name].”

Or:

“Sending you love this holiday season. There's no need to respond—I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.”

Acknowledging their loved one is often more meaningful than trying to make the season sound cheerful.

Is It Normal for Grief to Feel Worse Around the Holidays?

Yes. Holidays can bring memories, traditions, family gatherings, photographs, music, foods, and places associated with someone who died.

Even if your loss happened years ago, the holidays may bring emotions you weren't expecting.

Grief resurfacing doesn't mean you've gone backward. Significant dates and traditions can simply remind us of the relationships that continue to matter to us.

Be gentle with yourself when those feelings appear.

There Is No Right Way to Spend the Holidays After a Loss

Your holidays don't need to look the way they did before your loss.

Maybe you'll keep every tradition. Maybe you'll change everything. Maybe you'll laugh around the dinner table and cry later that night.

All of those experiences can belong in grief.

The people we love become woven into our traditions, stories, celebrations, and memories. When they're no longer physically present, the holidays may never feel exactly the same.

But different doesn't mean their place in the season has disappeared.

Light the candle. Make their recipe. Tell their stories. Wear something that reminds you of them. Say their name.

However you choose to spend the holidays, give yourself permission to honor both your grief and your love.