Grief Guide for Family & Friends
Grief is one of life’s most difficult and personal experiences, and knowing how to support someone who is grieving can feel just as complex. You want to help, but you may worry about saying the wrong thing or unintentionally adding to their pain. The truth is, there’s no perfect script for comforting someone after a loss. But there are meaningful ways to show up with compassion, consistency, and care. Just like a piece of jewelry can carry presence, so too can a thoughtful word, a quiet gesture, or a simple note. And just like a piece of jewelry can carry presence, so too can a thoughtful word, a quiet gesture, or a simple note.
Knowing what to say—or what not to say—can feel uncertain, but your steady presence can make more of a difference than you realize. Whether you’re supporting a grieving friend, partner, parent, or coworker, your presence matters more than you know.
What Helps and What Hurts
Words can never fix grief, but they can help someone feel seen. The most supportive messages tend to be simple, heartfelt, and sincere. Acknowledge the loss directly, express your sorrow, and let them know you’re there. Phrases like “I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” or “I don’t have the right words, but I care about you deeply,” create space for the person to feel safe in their emotions. Avoid the impulse to offer solutions or silver linings. According to the nonprofit organization What’s Your Grief, validation is one of the most powerful tools we have—even a quiet “this is really hard” can bring a sense of relief to someone feeling alone in their sorrow.
It’s also important to be specific in your offers of help. Rather than saying “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering something concrete like “Can I drop off dinner next week?” or “I’m free Friday if you want company.” Tangible gestures paired with consistent presence remind someone they’re not navigating this alone.
Even the most well-intentioned comments can miss the mark. Phrases like “They’re in a better place,” “Everything happens for a reason,” or “At least they lived a long life” can feel dismissive, even if they’re meant to comfort. These kinds of statements may unintentionally minimize the depth of the loss or signal that it's time to move on before the person is ready.
Avoid rushing someone’s healing or comparing their grief to someone else’s. Grief is not a problem to be fixed, and it doesn’t follow a timeline. Instead of trying to offer perspective, try offering presence. Even silence, when paired with care, can be more healing than too many words.
It’s also wise to be mindful of phrases that begin with “At least” or “You should...” These phrases can come across as emotionally distancing, even if the intention is to soothe. Just remember that true support is about joining someone where they are, not pulling them away from it.
Why Written Communication Matters
In the digital age, sending a thoughtful message or letter can carry real weight. For someone who is grieving, written words can be revisited in quiet moments and offer comfort long after a conversation has ended. Whether it’s a handwritten note, a text message, or even a social media comment, small expressions of care can help a grieving person feel less alone.
The key is to write from the heart. You don’t have to craft the perfect message. Simply acknowledging their pain, sharing a memory of their loved one, or letting them know you’re thinking of them can be enough. Keep it personal, honest, and free from pressure. You’re not trying to make their grief disappear—you’re reminding them that they’re held in community.
That said, not all written communication is helpful. Avoid writing anything that places expectations on how they should feel or heal. Skip language that implies closure, such as “You’ll feel better soon,” or “Time heals all wounds.” Instead, offer words that feel open-ended and gentle, like “I’m here whenever you need me,” or “You’re on my mind today.”
Is There a Wrong Way to Journal?
One of the most common concerns people express is whether they’re journaling "the right way." The answer is simple: there is no wrong way. Grief is not linear, and neither is the process of writing through it. What matters most is that it feels honest. You don’t need perfect grammar or beautiful handwriting. You don’t even need to write every day.
Some entries may be short or scattered, others long and detailed. Some may hold deep emotions, while others may feel numb. All of it counts. According to grief counselors and therapists, consistency is more important than quantity. The act of showing up for yourself, even briefly, can create a sense of routine and stability in a time that feels anything but.
What works one week might not work the next, and that’s okay too. The journal is there to reflect where you are, not where you think you should be. Let yourself be messy with it. Let the pages hold sorrow and joy, confusion and clarity. It’s your safe space where every emotion belongs.
How to Keep Showing Up
Grief doesn’t end after the funeral or the first few weeks. Often, the hardest part comes when the world moves on and the grieving person is left to carry their pain alone. This is when your support matters even more. Mark anniversaries on your calendar. Check in after the holidays. Send a message just to say you remember.
Even months or years later, acknowledging their loss can be incredibly meaningful. It tells them that their loved one hasn’t been forgotten. A small text, a shared photo, or a memory sent on a difficult day can create a lasting sense of connection.
Gifts can also play a role in long-term support, especially when they are personal and symbolic. Many people find comfort in receiving a piece of memorial jewelry that holds ashes, hair, or a fabric fragment from a loved one. It can serve as a wearable reminder of connection, allowing them to carry that memory with them wherever they go. At Lee Alexander & Co., we create each piece with that purpose in mind.
The Power of Being There
Supporting someone through grief isn’t about finding the perfect words—it’s about showing up, staying present, and honoring their pain without trying to erase it. Whether you’re offering a warm meal, a handwritten card, or simply a quiet presence, your care becomes part of their healing. The most powerful gestures are often the simplest ones.
At Lee Alexander & Co., we know how deep this experience runs. Our memorial jewelry exists because we understand what it means to grieve, to remember, and to hold on with care. If you’re supporting someone through loss, let them know they are not alone. Sometimes, just being there is the most meaningful gift you can give.